You know im happy i started this blog. I dont need a lot ot readers… im not doing it for that. I just needed a medium to express how i felt about some things with comments or judgemental statements or n e questions.
I need a breakthough…
Purpose
What is your purpose in this life? For some its to be a nuisance and plague people to the point of anger; for some its to spread love and share positivity; for others, its to be helpful, kind.
What is your purpose?
I have always asked myself this question. At one point in my life, I really felt like I would never realise it.
I’ve been a christian for years and it has not been easy. I’ve fallen off the wagon more times than I can count but I have not and will not let go. I got to a point in last year, where life just seemed so bad/sad all day, everyday. My dad passed and it just got worse. A whole series of events started to unfold but I knew what I had to do. I called on God.
I reasoned with him. I spoke to him; like he was sitting right beside me and asked him: Why is this happening? What is going on? Why is everything going wrong? I needed a change.. I needed a reason… I needed to know what my purpose was in this life.
“You are your fathers child and he has left a great legacy for you”… this was all I kept hearing. I miss my daddy. So many things I had planned, so many things I had intended on changing, but time ran out.
Long and short of it all: I know who I am. My faith and trust in God pulled me out of that dark place. I have praying parents. My Dad was a prayer warrior and he prayed for me and my brother. I stopped doubting and started living. Everyday may not be perfect but joy will come.
I have found my purpose. Makeup saved me. I want to make both my fathers proud. I want to praise Him in everything I do. I’ve been blessed with talents, a family and real friends.
My purpose: is to be alive at this moment in time.
Lata
Love
Painful, ridiculous and pointless. The good old days of love are gone. Wine and dine, flowers, love letters, surprises, you know the romatic stuff. I wish I was born in my mom and dad’s era. Where walking and holding hands was natural. Haha. Too old right? Nah. Id just want the good stuff. Should I be crying about days gone by? Nope. Should I cuss about it? Get angry? It would not change anything. These days a text tells you “I love you”. An emoticon sends you flowers and kisses. Change is inevitable but for somethings it should change for the better. Improve, make life easier. Not make it worse and have you feel like running away and abandoning life to just live on a deserted island alone and eat coconuts and wear banana leaves for clothing.
Hmm
Lata
Life
Life has a funny way of showing you things that you never imagined. I can now say that i have experienced the extremes. Too crazy, too annoying, too hurtful and now too painful. Like i have to seriously now wonder if i have a sign on my head that is calling all these extremes. I cant really understand. Its all very depressing and quite frankly very confusing. Im not gonna harm myself but i do feel really down about it. Its discouraging. It doesnt leave room for happiness really. Always being sad does not equal a happy life. It just means you live until God calls you. Almost as though u really dont have a purpose. Its been said that one should never envy another for their life. I dont envy, because i do not know what others went through to get where they are. I do however wish some things were not this hard. I dont think im perfect but i am a really great friend and someday will be a great wife. When people do things to hurt me it makes me wonder what am i doing wrong. I prop myself up though. I encourage myself. I lift myself. I try my best to cover it all and just pray and ask God to help me get through it all. What else? Prayer moves mointains. Well i dont have mountains i have a HUGE roller coaster. Haha…
Lata
Gone are the days… well for me
Gone are the days when road trips were fun. Gone are the days when a woman was made to feel special in a relationship. Special doesnt mean wine and dine and a million expensive gifts. Special in a simple girl kinda sense. Laughter, movies, fun, loyalty (yes a gift every now and then but im not talking about a house lol), friendship, intimacy (not just sex). The real old school kinda special. I follow someone on my instagram and it would seem that is all she asks for just a “Simple kinda Special”. Many women want/need this.
Some may say its cause we are looking in the wrong places or we keep going to the wrong people. Yeah, this may be true but even in cases where a woman waits on the “right one” it still ends up sour. Life is unpredictable. Very unpredictable. Everything in life is also a risk, but how many risks are you willing to take? How many frogs have to be kissed before the real prince?
Lets talk for a minute
Where did all these feelings come from all of a sudden? Is it because I want so much more than what life is offering me now? Or am i just being miserable for no reason at all? I am a little confused. *shrug*
I started doing my youtube videos again… it actually feels cool for now. Its something to do in addition to doing makeup (which already makes me smile and happy). Speaking of makeup, why is it so hard to support one another? Im not even talking about strangers, im talking about close friends, loved ones, family. I dont know at all. So many questions. Lol…
Finally
I have had this account for a while now. Always wanted to use it but i always thought a blog was just a very vulnerable place. We express ourselves; views, opinions and in turn sometimes get rdiculed, hated, bad mouthed for it. I have always admired persons who do it. Blog. Just a random thought, a whole story of their day or just to express how they feel about a specific topic or situation. Its inspiring sometimes.
I decided just this morning that i wanted to try this. Do something new. Just for me. Open up a little… and her i am.
Why am i here?
To chat… to share my views/opinions about things that matter to me. My own spot. So lemmi do this 😊😊
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